Resident Evil Requiem

2026-05-24

Heaven forbid you are a zombie who crosses the path of a thrown object from Leon S. Kennedy. This causes the zombie's knees to buckle and look down as if repenting their sins, a final plea for mercy from god. There is no god. There is no mercy. With a single button press Leon savagely swings his axe and splits the head of the supplicant. An explosion of blood as he violently rips their entire head from their body. You could say Raccoon City, a gray ash soaked land full of walking corpses, was Hell on Earth. It only became Hell as soon as Leon opened the door of his Porsche and planted his soon-to-be blood-soaked combat boots on the asphalt.

Leon S. Kennedy, where the S of course stands for Sex. We don't need the president's daughter and her "ballistics" and we don't need Ada sexing up the joint like Halle Berry in Catwoman. No, we need Leon, the ultimate bisexual twink. Raw unfettered testosterone with his gleaming 12-inch Requiem and elder boy-band-member good looks. And we're supposed to believe Grace wouldn't be humping his leg like a dog? Shit, I'm straight as an arrow, brother, and I'd be baying like a hound on the hunt if homie walked into the room.

Next to the brutal and graceful leopard that is Leon, Grace is gormless prey, a mouse that wandered into a combination rat-trap factory slash rabid-cat treatment facility. Her constant whimpering and panting and shaky hands and weak attacks communicating how fucked you are at every moment. And it's exactly this weakness that makes her the most fun part of the game.

My favorite thing in games is progression. Not numbers go up progression but real hard-fought mechanical progression. Grace's main chapter is a master class. Methodically dragging Grace's hyperventilating ass through corridor after corridor hoovering up every scrap of ammo. Strategically slurping blood from every zombie's chest and bucket of blood--in Requiem every bucket is a bucket of blood--so you can inject a nameless substance into Grace's pale arm and steady that hand and pump that damage. Every zombie starts as a real threat and eventually an achievement pops up on my screen because I just cratered the face of a 600 pound monstrosity with scavenged Requiem ammo.

It's frustrating then that despite this progression her character retains her annoying-ass stutter and spineless antics till just about the end. Ah yes, you've faced untold horrors while protecting a child and you're still a huge pussy, bro?

That's not to say all the writing is bad. It's not as much cheese for my taste a la RE4/5 but Leon's one-liners are delightfully baaaaad. "Sorry, I'm not on the menu," he quips after annihilating a study full of abominations. I'm sorry, honey, but with cheekbones like yours, Leon, you're on everyone's menu. And don't get me started on Gideon. Towering height, gold-teethed visage, and a pleasantly polite and deeply insane demeanor that makes me have to wonder whether they were actively trying to channel Cormac McCarthy's Judge Holden. Well, Leon certainly scalps enough zombies to be featured in Blood Meridian.

And Leon has his own power curve of an ever-increasing arsenal backed by an odd little "murder for points to buy gear" system. Pop, bang, shhk, shhk, shhk, and that's a new scope for my rifle! Many old friends make return appearances, entering stage left, to have the back of their skull/thorax/spine blown out stage right. Capcom shits out big bucks banger set pieces right and left. Motorcycles ridden off fallen skyscrapers, zombies shambling across a glass floor begging you to send them to their doom with a well-placed shot, a big fat guy (he's really fat).

Requiem's true accomplishment is that it marries the unfitting pair of the shaky hands stutterer, Grace, and her tight-knit labyrinth trad-horror with the uber-dad goddess, Leon, and his frenetic, kinetic murderathon. In fact in the True Ending of the game they do get married. After the 30 minute sex scene--very tasteful--Leon wakes up, turns over and sees an unfamiliar form. Rippling biceps peek out from the silk sheets. He tears the covers off revealing that Grace has turned. Into Chris Redfield. In that moment I knew we were in safe hands. The only way to top the blend of Requiem is to go DOUBLE action.