Mario Kart World

2025-06-17
“I paid $500 to play this?! [Music starts playing] ohhhh fuuuuck yeaaaah.”

Despite a brief love affair with Mario Kart DS (aka Dry Bones Drifting Online) and owning two separate copies of Mario Kart 8, I never really played Mario Kart except at friends’ houses where they’d inevitably and summarily stomp my neophyte, Bowser-driving ass. Pair that with a preference for Project Gotham and Forza and I was always a little sniffy of Mario and his little go-karts. But this time, this time I got it. Maybe it was the “launch title” energy of Mario Kart World that really made me bought in. Or maybe it was the helpful tutorials that finally just told me yeah you hold down A when they show the number 2 in the countdown for that “hidden” boost (FINALLY). Or maybe it was playing as a cow riding a hog or playing as a snowman who can deftly maneuver any number of vehicles despite having not a single god-damned limb. Or maybe it was the absurdly bombastic jazz numbers that play ceaselessly and were clearly played by real people with real instruments who really know how to play ‘em. Or maybe it was the incredible attention to detail in the animations–from the way the wheels change position when you’re charging a jump, to the way Penguin gleefully flaps his arms when nailing a boost off a ramp.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter. Mario Kart World is Nintendo strutting their shit and shoving in your face pure glee that has been distilled into a little plastic red cartridge that tastes like shit if you lick it and sells for $80. And by god if you play it you’re going to have a good time. Unless you play Knockout Tour online in which case you will have a great time while also yelling “FUCK YOU WALUIGI, YOU WHORE!” at the TV as a stranger on the other side of the world knocks you out with a red shell just before the next gate.