Target Toss Pro: Bags

2026-06-06

Motorcycle Ride Review 1 2 3 4 5 6 [7] 8

Auspiciously my moto ride took me in the same area of the country as @zark so we met up at a barcade today. Meandering the aisles of cabinets we laid eyes on a machine seemingly just titled “BAGS” (only upon closer inspection do you see “Target Toss Pro” in smaller font). We had to play it. I would never live it down if I did not play BAGS.

After selecting the male avatar we were greeted with a ginger man in a “PL1” jersey and shorts holding a beanbag. Fuck yeah. You have a couple of buttons to adjust the angle of your throw in fixed increments and then a trackball in the center. The trackball is the real star of the show as it control's ballboy’s arm, spasmodically jerking it back and forth as you move the trackball around. Flick it back to hyperextend his arm back and then flick it forward to throw the B A G. There’s some skill because since it’s a trackball it can move in any direction not just forward, so it takes some precision to really line up shots.

Other than that the field—emblazoned with targettosspro.com, an extremely dead website—contains the box and your two “opponents”. One is a man in a bright pink, diamond patterned shirt and brown khaki shorts. He looks like a twat and we tried repeatedly to pelt him. Sadly BAGS is not that kind of game. There is also a woman who looks kind of like Starla from Napolean Dynamite. She’s cool. Eerily neither one ever moves, instead standing in a faux-humanistic way reminiscent of mannequins. Unsurprisingly they never actual play, doomed to eternally be bagged on over and over and over.

BAGS is not without its mysteries. One round after scoring a hole in one (I’m absolutely not fucking looking up proper cornhole terminology) we were greeted to a playing card being drawn. I think it was an 8 of spades. The game then showed the word “CASINO” and then the card just sat on the side of the screen subtitled with “High Card” as we continued to take turns flicking bagboy’s trackball. No explanation was given when this happened and I have no idea what it affected. My point being I think BAGS may have untold depths waiting to be plumbed. I look forward to the next time I walk the halls of [redacted] with @zark again so we may further uncover BAGS no doubt revelatory secrets.