Castlevania: Lament of Innocence

2025-11-02
It's a little insane to make the next PlayStation Castlevania after SOTN consists of basically mediocre Devil May Cry combat mixed with mediocre Castlevania exploration but Konami certainly did it. And I'm kind of here for it. I think it all comes together in the Anti Soul Mysteries Lab. The bumping early aughts dance music playing and the glory hole makes me feel like I'm in a baroque German version of the club Wesley Snipes fucks up at the beginning of Blade. I got a new blue orb which finally gives me an actual skill shot, where placing my spinning axe at the right spot will melt enemies and bosses. And the backtracking is tolerable.

I mean really that's most of the game: tolerable. Tolerable and adequate. Well except for the platforming which with its molasses-like delay and inability to change direction makes it baroque German dogshit. But hey, the strong attack stuns enemies which feels good and the wealth of sub weapon options with orbs is pretty alright! The music is alright! The architecture and lighting of the castle, the monster design, the 60 fps of it all is visually very alright.

But it's certainly not great. Like the backtracking. By itself it wouldn't be so bad but it's the fact that what you're backtracking through--and endless series of linear corridors--and what you're backtracking for--trinkets with dubious benefits and some miniscule stat increases--make it feel like work. In fact it was so bad I almost bailed an hour in. The first area, House of Sacred Remains, might be the game at its worst, capped off with a terrifically uninteresting boss. And yet my masochistic persistence meant I did see the rest and it does get better. The maps get better, options open up, and everything returns to adequacy.

It's greatest strength is its brevity. I near 100%'d it and played for all of about 7 hours. Hoo damn that's what I like to see. And the whole way you're treated to some dee-lightfully tacky early 2000s cutscenes and plot. Replete with a "twist" you'll see figure out before the game has started and dialogue like:
"...but I am beloved by the night. You will taste my powers."
"I'll kill you AND the night."
"Interesting."

Interesting indeed. I'd say it's worth checking out. But I can't help but say I'm much more interested in Curse of Darkness being on the other side