Atomfall

2026-05-09
I'm in the Wyndham Village town hall scurrying from stall to stall in the bathroom stuffing every roll of toilet paper into my pockets like a man with IBS who just ate a gas station's entire supply of heat-lamped burritos. In my case it's for crafting bandages. I never have enough because everyone and their mum hits me for a quarter of my health. That means I spend a lot of my time pilfering homes across this achingly British countryside in search of a tin of meat, a pasty, or two-ply like a raccoon with a rusted bolt-action slung on his back.

At its core Atomfall is Fallout: New Vegas with a limey coat of paint. You step out of the vault--and yes there is a literal vault, with a literal big round door, and the same Bethesda-coded HDR bloom moment as your eyes adjust revealing a lush, vibrant, English countryside--and you're off. Factions of dubious morality vying for your time. Little quests nestled in every smattering of civilization. Most NPCs, even important ones, can be offed unceremoniously with a cricket bat or load of buckshot to the face. Mutually exclusive endings that, beautifully, all collide into each other at the end. Some old woman I told to bugger off hours earlier showed up after the finale's events kicked off like, "Hi sweetie, I'm here for the ending too". I promptly shot her in the head.

The supporting craft is tip top. The environment design is at times eye-watering especially with the attention paid to lighting. Licking headshots always feels good but even the weapon reload animations are chunky, clunky, and detailed. Robots overheat and pop their batteries out the back, so you have to sprint up and yank them out like you're field-stripping a microwave. That rules.

What doesn't rule: the stealth, which doesn't work and seems to actively punish you for putting points into it. I dumped 5 into it and still aggro like I'm a wedding car trailing Heinz tins, doubly so in the dark areas where the inky pitch requires a flashlight to cut through (cool!) and yet enemies clock you from across the moor like they've got night vision and you've got cataracts (butthole!). The spore zones are worse--enemies one-shot you even on assisted difficulty (what is the point of lowering it?). And the skill points, which in a very cool twist can only be spent on certain skills if you've scoured the world for the corresponding books, take forever to accrue early on and commit the classic sin of amounting to a handful of bollocks.

But if you're an acolyte of the vault or just a person who says bosh to Bethesda it's worth the trip. Hell, I'd say it's worth the trip alone for being one of the few games that's singularly British. Well, if you'll excuse me I really must be off. I see some lads with bats sauntering toward us on the road and they look like they want some of my toilet paper.