DARK

2024-11-25
Digging through these super low rated games sometimes you find some gems. This one is Eurojank Dishonored or DARK (ALL CAPS cause this shit is COOL, baby). And it is a great bad game. It's so bad it's great in the same way that Tommy Wiseau's The Room is so bad it's great.

It takes less than two minutes before you realize you're playing something special: "Eric. Eric Bane. The name shot through my head like a bullet. It was my name." Chef's kiss, boys, that is some writing. But also our badass vampire protagonist's name is Eric? Eric? It only gets cheesier from here. Genuinely at one of the scenes before the final boss one of the screens has "!test!!" written on it. Hahaha YES.

Mechanically it really is Eurojank Dishonored. You've a whole host of moves at your disposal but most notably you can teleport on a short cooldown and telepathically murder people? It's exactly as broken as it sounds and it has to be because the level design vacillates between wildly frustrating and braindead simple. I love these sorts of games where it feels like you're playing with a fucked up toybox where you have to kind of find your own fun. Also bonus points for having one of the dumbest and easiest final bosses of any game I've played in 33 years of life. I was cackling.

Ignore the haters. If you're willing to enjoy the cheese, enjoy something like Dishonored, and really are patient enough to get past the frustrating first level you might just have as much fun as I did.