Ultimate Drummer
Review
2026-05-23
Ultimate Drummer is the ultimate rhythm-based platforming comedy adventure game. If you're among the Cool 3D World uninitiated, I'll give you 8 seconds to fix that: Nailcut[1].
It was inevitable that when Cool 3D World decided to make a game, this is what it would be. Yes of course you step into a character creator that produces only monstrosities. Yes of course there are two body types--"Prince" and "Princess"--and the only difference is that "Princess" puts a bra on the same body and doesn't change a single other attribute. Yes of course the gameplay is fucking around in Ableton while floating your drum-set-wielding horror through platforming sections. Yes of course you make the backing percussion for each track yourself, and changing the tempo speeds up the music and your character.
You might look at pictures of the game ignore it because it looks like yet another hacked together Unreal job. And sure I could criticize the game for basically being a bunch of fiddly platforming punctuated by an overly long Super-Smash-font "K.O." death screen. Or that a lot of the puzzles tied to the drum sequencer can be brute forced by painting a drum roll on each instrument. But analyzing the mechanics too deeply here would make you the dumbest "missing the forest for the trees" motherfucker around. You're here for the weird and you're here for the set pieces.
You will laugh, you will swear in frustration, and you will be left in awe as a giant bald Stone-Cold-Steve-Austin-ass head spits your grotesque character through the air and they scream like Steven Tyler. And that's the only image I'm giving you. The rest is too good to spoil. Plonk down the $6. It's the ultimate rhythm-based platforming comedy adventure game. I can't think of a higher honor to bestow.